Sigh.
Today has been completely, utterly ridiculous. I woke up on the couch at 6am entirely unaware that I had ever even gone to bed. Convinced it was Saturday (not that it would make much difference because all of my days are the same… except this one), I set out on a lovely, relaxing day: free yoga in the park, chiropractor, shopping. I had everything planned out to flow nicely from one event to the next.
Driving up to Charlotte however, I noticed something odd. “Hm, I appear to be in Friday rush hour traffic.”
Yes, that is because it is Friday. Hmm, oops. No yoga in the park. “No problem! I’ll catch a class at the studio and I’ll still be done in time for my chiro appointment.”
Not so. After two full months of aggressive back and forth with Costco (worst EVER) regarding bedroom furniture we ordered TWO MONTHS AGO, today was supposed to be the big day… delivery day. And, as service deliveries go, I was expected to sit around for a full four hours waiting for them to arrive. My window: 8am – 12pm. Too bad I was in Charlotte at 9am.
“AH! I’m in Charlotte! And the furniture is coming! And I have to PEE! This traffic! What DAY is it??”
I called my brother and begged him to sit outside my house in case they showed up. I called Stew to complain. I called my mom to complain. I called on God to please intervene and prevent me from peeing in my pants. And I tweeted foul words.
I made it back in time to not wet myself and also just in time to catch a call from the delivery guy that he’ll be here at… 11am. So is my life.
Because I have been so out of control ridiculous lately, I thought it might be time to hire some help. See below.
NOW HIRING
Position: Assistant Director of Katie’s Life
Hours: 24/7
Reports to: Ralphie (Director of Katie’s Life)
Salary: paid in cats; quantity TBD
Duties:
- remind me to wear pants in public
- remind me what day it is, first thing in the morning and multiple times throughout the day
- remind me what tomorrow will be so there are no surprises
- encourage me to use the bathroom before my kidneys are going to burst
- censor my tweets for curse words; it’s an involuntary response to stressful stimuli
- deposit my checks; they are few and far between but when they come I tend to deposit them in Bank of Katie (my wallet) and they do me no good there
- scan for cats every time I exit the house; you never know when the olds ones might escape or when a new one might show up on the doorstep
- teach me how to use iTunes; seriously though…
If you think you might be a fit for this job, please contact Weasel, as she’ll be conducting the interviews.
Bring your A game. And dress for success.
Best. Post. Ever. Lol!!
Sometimes I feel like I need a personal assistant…life can be crazy! This post is hilarious — I know you had to be laughing while writing. Can’t wait to room with you next weekend!
i think you should change the pay to cats AND katie-made food..
Wait, did I just get cyber-dumped?
Sorry. Out of my hands. Weasel handles all the hiring and firing. I think she left you a post it note…
haha I have a picture of my cat Dabo wearing a tie. I also have a cowboy-ish brown hat to go with it. It’s very dapper. I love the job description though.. I’d work for payments in cats.
It really doesn’t get any better!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHA! I’d totally be your assistant.
My resume:
-good at remembering what day it is.
-recognizes that pants, are indeed, a social norm.
-had to learn iTune’s addictive/evil ways for wedding music
-great with money
-love cats!
Sorry your day wasn’t quite what you planned, but this just MADE mine!
OH MY GOD. I am literally peeing my pants laughing at this. I’m sorry your day has been crazy. I love the story that has come out of it though!!!
Haha this is awesome.
Loooove this post! Been there. I once forgot to go to work b/c I thought it was Saturday. I bet Ralphie would be better than most bosses!
Me me meeee! Errr except I never know what day of the week it is- seeing how I am out of school….
So I won’t be of much help
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