This guy doesn't belong here

When I agreed to cover the Blues, Brews and BBQ Festival for Uptown Magazine, I warned them up front that I’m a vegetarian.

Whaaaat am I getting myself into?

The editor was cool with it and actually thought it would make for an entertaining angle, and the duo I was assigned to follow for 24 hours offered me vegetarian souvlaki, soydogs and beer, a sure sign I was not on their shitlist from the get go. Relief.

I was not, however, expecting to run into any veggie spectators. Imagine my surprise then when the first person I met was Vegan Superman.

Booo

My brother came up with me as my official meat taste tester and was instantly greeted with the souvlaki…

Souvlaki

My lamb-free souvlaki

He and I roamed around the festival a bit before settling in at our team’s camp. This happened…

Fried apple pie eating

Regular apple pie gawking

Corn consumption

I also sampled peach ice cream (I die) and my brother got a BBQ sandwich. Other than witnessing him eating that, I was exposed to very little meat at the festival. Odd, I know. You see, Friday night is less about eating and more about cooking. The teams stay up all night monitoring the temperature on their grills to ensure the meat is perfect for Saturday’s judging. So there was really no meat to be eaten. I was good with this.

I did get to sample Vic the Chiliman’s eight original sauces though, featuring crazy flavors like merlot, cinnamon and honey.

The Sauce Boss

I cheated and went home to sleep around midnight, but Vic and Matt of “Fat & Chili” held down the fort and only got about an hour of sleep in between grill checks. I met up with them the next morning for the Bloody Mary contest.

Vodka for breakfast

Breakfast of champions

Sleep is for the weak

I was pretty pleased with myself for escaping the weekend without one single visit here…

The Porta-David

Avoiding porta-potties since 1985

I ate a PB & molasses sandwich that I’d packed myself for breakfast and then parted ways with the guys for a little hot yoga time.

PB&M

I’ll marinade overnight in meat smoke and won’t even complain, no problem. But you better believe that at some point I’m going to bail and do Katie things.

Matt and Vic of Fat & Chili

I had an awesome time hanging out with Fat & Chili, but you’ll have to be on the lookout for Uptown Magazine to hear the whole story. In the meantime, here’s a collection of my favorite quotes taken out of context from the night…

Maaahaha