Waking up at 4:55am on a Saturday because your nagging to-do list penetrated three levels of dreamery straight through your subconscious and into your waking awareness is totally normal. I hate my job. You know what else is normal? Speaking to your cats en espanol.

My four years (eight if you count high school) of Spanish study have never been more pertinent than they are today, as I’ve shifted towards a perfectly unstable bilingual dialogue with… las gatas. Good thing they’ve also decided to start a mariachi band: Weazita y los Banditos. Los Banditos currently consist of… Ralph. But she’s confident she can recruit her friend John Kerry (which is the real name of a real cat that lived next door in our first apartment) to play guitar.

Some say Ralph and Weaz don’t have what it takes to make it in the Spanish-language music market.

But Weaz is hopeful. In fact, both cats have become rather demanding and lazy in light of their impending stardom.

See you on the Billboard charts.