At the ripe old age of 25, I appear to have made zero progress toward deciding what to do with my life. I have, however, compiled a rather extensive list of things I like and things I do not like.
It is apparent I am well on my way to a successful and fulfilling life as a rap producer/cat trainer who eats a whole damn lot.
What am I talking about? As you can see clearly stated in Exhibit A, I do not like mayonnaise. I do not like it at all. Right before I went vegetarian, I had a nightmare that people were eating people with mayonnaise and kept trying to get me to try it. Not only did I not try human flesh, I do not eat any flesh. I also do not eat mayonnaise but that’s just because it’s gross.
So what made me think that a curried tofu salad made with vegenaise (vegan mayonnaise, son, lookitup) would be in any way appropriate is a mystery.
The sad thing about this salad (which I purchased at Common Market and enjoyed on their front bench) is that it was good. It was so good. I was so pleased with myself. I was all: “Way to buy this delicious and affordable vegetarian protein source to put on the sandwich you packed from home, you frugal, responsible and nutritionally sound individual.”
But then… then like an hour later I was minding my business at Amelie’s trying to decide whether or not an old man’s comment to me that it must be freezing in here had anything to do with the fact that it was cold or that I wasn’t wearing a bra when all of the sudden BAM… My body’s like: WHAT IS THIS MAYONNAISE-LIKE SUBSTANCE I DETECT. YOU WILL VOMIT NOW.
I didn’t really vomit. But I wanted to very badly. So much so that I went home instead of doing this thing for work that wasn’t required but that I wanted to do and that not doing led to my losing a little staff challenge.
Thanks a lot, mayonnaise!