This is what I do.
It took three hours 34 minutes and 34 seconds to end our three-year relationship. One phone call last night, not good. Another today, better. If better is what this is.
My idea at first, mutual by the end. The end.
It was equal parts heart-wrenching and relieving, as much my fault as his. At first a slow, painful staccato. Short bursts of emotion, silence, emotion, silence. But we got into a rhythm–confide, listen, confer, confide, listen, confer–and things started to make sense.
The final consensus was that we’d rather take a break now, realize we were wrong and come back together than stay together, realize we were wrong and end up apart.
There is no anger, no animosity, no way in hell this really just happened. I’m proud of the way we handled it. Mature and with respect. Respect for the other person and for the time and energy we’ve put into the relationship.
I truly believe we’ll come back together when the time is right and when we’ve accomplished what we need to individually. That’s what I want to happen.
For now I’m going to stand in the kitchen cooking entirely too much food because I don’t know what else to do. Today, appropriately enough, is independence day.
“The final consensus was that we’d rather take a break now, realize we were wrong and come back together than stay together, realize we were wrong and end up apart.”
I can’t tell you how sorry I am to hear about this, but I think what you’re doing is the way to go about it. You two (hypothetically? optimistically?) have the rest of your lives to spend together, so what’s a few months or a year or whatever in the meantime? If now’s a lousy time for that, especially with as much as you have going on, trying to force something won’t do anyone any good. Come back to it when you’re both happier, more relaxed, and on steadier footing. I wish you both the very best of luck, and I have every confidence it’ll all work out for collective-you in the end.
Yes, lady. Cooking therapy. Sending much love and many good vibes your way. Be loving to yourself. You deserve it.
I went to write a comment, read what Adam wrote, and cannot find better words than his to express my sadness, understanding, respect and optimism for your future. Big hugs!
i just broke it off too with the first person I ever said “i love you” to and meant it. It wasn’t three years, but…i’m with you. I’m sorry. I wish we could make and eat baked goods together on a night like tonight.
Sometimes amicable breakups are the hardest. But way to do what is best for you. I just had my first “real” big break up this summer and there’s not much else to say other than it blows, anD it will get better. And cooking really does help. The way you wrote about this shows the compassion you have for yourself and for him…way to go.
This post was beautiful. You are truly one of the most gifted writers to ever write! I could read your blog for hours! Remember your strength during this time. I am sorry.
Cooking is exactly what I do when I don’t know what else to do. I know this is rough, and I’m sorry for what you’re going through. It will be okay.
i don’t know if i’ve ever commented – but have been reading your blog for months now. wishing you lots of strength and love!
Sending thoughts your way so that you know that others are thinking of you when you are feeling so alone.
I’m so sorry! But it sounds like you did the right thing and that you trusted your heart. Sending hugs your way and can’t wait to see what you whip up in the kitchen.
katy – i am so sorry to read this but so impressed by your composure, maturity and compassion towards one another. thinking of you.
katie
Beautifully written
Beautifully written post… sending lots of love your way!
Oh Katie I am so sorry to see this. I admire you so much– you’re such a strong person. Hugs.
What Adam said. Sending you love and strength for this time of transition.
I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this. I understand the cooking… it’s what I would be doing, too.
Sending good vibes, hugs, and positivity your way.
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What you wrote was beautiful and hopefully cathartic. Sending good thoughts and strength!
If you need a boyfriend (or two for that matter), I know of two who would LOVE for you to move into their DC apartment.
You know where to find them!
Hey lady, my boyfriend (exbf…) and I just came to the same conclusion. Exact.same.situation. It sucks and it hurts and it’s hard, but I keep trying to remember that in the end, this is the best decision we could make. Have the pain now, rather than worse pain later down the road.
Just know you aren’t alone and that you both made a really smart, mature decision (my mom keeps telling me that). Hugs.
I went through something similar back in September. I’m in the Peace Corps, he isn’t, four years over, but still good friends. Good luck to you.
Ending is hard. Being mature about it is even harder! But you’re right, in the long run it is so worth it. Especially if you can keep someone you love in your life…just a little differently. Best of luck.