Caturday 7/23/11

My therapist says...

Happy hot-as-hell Caturday! I really try not to be one of those oh-my-god-can-you-believe-how-hot-it-is??? people because, well, it’s summer. It’s always hot in the summer. It’s always unbelievably hot in the summer. Believe it. Accept it. Move on with your life.

Your bike could use some attention.

So, as has been noted previously, Ralphito is suffering from a bit of a little post-move/breakup┬ámental breakdown. First she decided she’d lick her paw until it bled. I found little bloody footprints all over the house the first week we were here. That was terrifying at all. Once she got over that (thank God) she moved on to scratching her head until it bleeds. Now I’m finding chunks of bloody hair all over the house. Is this a food blog? Sorry.

Anyway, Ralph’s gone off the deep end. I’ve tried talking sense into her but she says I “wouldn’t understand.” I’ve also tried pretending like nothing is wrong and disciplining her as necessary when she acts a fool but she keeps responding with the ol’: “but my therapist says I should ________:

  • throw litter wherever I damn well please
  • put my litter-covered foot in your drink
  • run sprints around your bed when you’re sleeping
  • try to put my butt in your dinner plate
… if I want to. I’m delicate.”

Ok, Ralph.

Now, I know this cat is lying to me because 1) she doesn’t have enough money for a therapist and 2) her voice is a figment of my imagination. Duh.

I like squirrels.

Weaz, of course, is fine. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even know we moved. She has, however, been the past couple weeks. When I get home she screams her little head off until I drop everything to sit down with her for a few minutes. This then makes Ralphie feel left out and she starts licking herself. It’s a vicious cycle.

Don’t worry about us. We’ll be just fine.

If cats could talk to you, they would lie.

10 thoughts on “Caturday 7/23/11

  1. Ralph may also be upset about the haircut she received right around the time you moved….maybe that was all too much. I things begin to return to normal. And if not, I can come over and provide some pro bono family therapy. ;)

  2. I love this post. The picture of Weaz with her reflection is great, but I loooooooooooove the two of them together. These pictures rate right up there with the Cowboy and you picture from many years ago.

  3. Have you taken Ralphie to the vet? My sweet little angel was biting at his wrist and taking dumps on the floor when I first moved, but after taking him to the vet and getting a few tips on how to modify the space to accommodate him better and make him feel more relaxed, he’s been a little peach. They also gave him a rectal exam… that’ll scare some sense into just about anyone!

  4. I just started literally crying I was laughing so hard reading this. My cat has no excuse (other than her usual neuroticism) and exhibits those same behaviors – the litter-covered paw in the drink is totally her. She will only drink water 1) from her paw 2) from my glass 3) from the toilet. She’s classy like that.

  5. A. I just have to say that you are hilarious and I haven’t been able to stop reading your blog since a friend forwarded me a link earlier this week
    B. I feel you on the “animals who lick they’re paws until they bleed” situation. My dog does this…not becuase she just moved and is under stress but becuase I believe she likes to inflict pain on herself. She’s a cutter. Maybe she should go see Ralph’s therapist…

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