Caturday 7/30/11

Oh, hello...

The cats and I have fallen into a nice little routine here together. I’d never really thought about it until now, but they’ve never lived alone with just me… ever. When I took Ralph in and she had Weaz I was living with my sister and later my friend Jack. Then I moved my new herd of cats in with my friend Lindsay. And then Stew and I moved in together and got Waldo, too. So adjusting to a home with just the three of us has been interesting.

It’s like when you regularly hang out with a group of people  until one night everyone cancels but one person and you suddenly realize you don’t know that person at all. Awkward.

Luckily, the cats and I like many of the same things. Jeopardy…

I'll take Crazy Cat Ladies for $500, Alex.

[Did you know that 71-year-old Alex Trebec blew out his freaking Achilles tendon chasing an intruder out of his hotel room this past week? And also that in recounting the event he specified that he FIRST put on his underwear and THEN went chasing after her? This style of dress involves wearing nothing at all over your genitalia and is completely inappropriate for a 71-year-old man. What is commando? R-S-T-L-N-E, Vanna!]

The Bachelorette, duh…

Excuse me, it's time for my show.


Weaz is selfish and always gets to be little spoon.

Um, at least two of us like cuddling.

You'll never understand me.

And as of tonight, we’ve learned there is one thing we all HATE. And that is bugs getting all up in our shit.

You gonna die, bitch.

Any time I see one of the cats looking at something I can’t see, I know something terrible is about to go down. When I see both cats looking at something I can’t see, I brace myself for the worst. Last night the worst came in the form of a godforsaken palmetto bug, which for anyone north of the Mason Dixon is a ROACH. It’s just that down here in the Dirty Dirty we like our shit classy so we make up waspy names for even the lowliest of life forms.

Weaz decided she wanted to go first but I promptly pulled her away and made her wait on the couch knowing full well that having never lived on the streets, she’s too stupid to hunt and would surely chase the damn thing straight into my bed. So I put my fierce little mini lion Ralph in charge instead.

Ralphie to the rescue

The little bastard didn’t stand a chance and was down for the count in less than 10 seconds. At which point I started jumping around shouting: WHOSE HOUSE? RALPHIE’S HOUSE! WHOSE HOUSE? RALPHIE’S HOUSE. (This really happened.) Then I doused it in Febreeze for good measure. Just in case. And because I don’t have any poison in the house.

Let this be a lesson to all you other bugs. We gon’ find you.

Where were YOU on that one, Weaz?


13 thoughts on “Caturday 7/30/11

  1. We try and stop the cats from killing the bugs, but that is only because they then EAT them and that is just gross. I know it happens when I’m gone though because I come home to find a wing and a single leg in the middle of the hallway. The worst is when Geckos get in the house. I like little lizards but having to pull them out of my cat’s mouth equals not fun.

  2. I just started reading your blog and Caturdays crack me up! My kitten is also super dramatic about the heat (except that she doesn’t even care if I do turn on the AC), and I think she’s about as good at catching bugs as Weaz is.

  3. Palmetto bugs are NOT roaches. They are roaches the size of infants that FLY. Yes, two years in Charlotte has made me terrified of them. Ugh.

  4. Ewww the palmettos are nasty– my parents have them at their (Virginia Beach) house. AwFUL. Especially when you hear the horrifying flapping of massive wings above your head…

    Jozy’s pretty useless at catching bugs, but she’ll alert me to them. Davie, the kitten we found in the wild, is a pretty successful hunter. A few days ago Chris found a centipede leg hanging out of his mouth. Blech.

  5. bahahahaha. Yesss, i am laughing out loud thinking about you jumping up and down in celebration of your bad ass cat!

    I kill all bugs with windex. I just spray those suckers blue until I KNOW they’re dead. Then to make sure they don’t spring back to life before I can pick them up (gross) I wait like 4 hours.

  6. I had to laugh when you said you sprayed it with Febreeze! I tend to spray the bugs I need to do away with, with a little bottle of body splash stuff I carry in my purse. It’s not exactly perfume, but I’m assuming the alcohol does the trick. At least it stuns them enough so I can get a paper towel or whatnot.

    Aren’t Palmetto bugs the worst? They are roaches, on steroids!!!
    (Local readers – don’t EVER live at Paces Commons apartments in Matthews. Palmetto bugs out the wazoo there. Disgusting! We lived there for a year back in 2006, and it was too, too much). *shudder*

  7. I have a serious PHOBIA of palmettos – which are only called that because their real name incites too much fear and disgust. It’s like the bug Voldemort.

    Try hairspray – I shot some hairspray across the room once and it paralyzes them long enough to run next door and have your neighbor do the dirty work (true story – props to you for facing one of those suckers yourself).

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