If the city of Charlotte were a real girl she’d be blonde. She (as the country song goes) would have her “momma’s good looks and her daddy’s money.” And yes, she’d call him daddy. She’d be as comfortable bass fishing as she is baking apple pie. She’d drink beer and eat BBQ and send thank you notes on monogrammed stationery. She’d pretend to be a Panthers fan and know the names of no fewer than six players to prove it. She’d run faster than all the boys and look better than all the other girls doing it. She’d say “bless your heart” and curse under her breath. She would not be a vegetarian.

Charlotte has two–count ‘em, one… two–dedicated vegetarian (vegan, actually) restaurants. There’s an intoxicating feeling of sheer joy that washes over me when I pick up a menu and can order anything I want. Anything. But it sure doesn’t happen often down here in the Dirty South.

I’m sure you can imagine my unbridled excitement, then, when I received the following press release last week:

Fern, a vegetarian cafe, open today on Central Avenue

I got the email Wednesday and had made a reservation for Friday afternoon in approximately 15 seconds flat.

I knew I’d love this place before I even stepped foot inside. They’d already sent me a sneak peak at the menu, and I’m pretty sure I’d already cried tears of joy over its contents. The real test of a vegetarian restaurant, however, is not whether or not a vegetarian likes it. It’s whether or not her McDonald’s-eating friends approve.

Enter these characters:

My friends Amber and Ryan were coming down to meet up with the rest of our friends in Greenville for the weekend and thought it’d be a good idea to leave DC at 9pm, putting them on my doorstep at five-freaking-twenty in the morning. They stopped at McDonald’s at midnight. I welcomed them with open arms and a generously late 1pm reservation at Fern.

When we were in New York over the summer, Glanz said something to the effect of: “I hate when we eat at vegetarian restaurants and it’s always really good.” Damn right it is.

I’m not really giving my friends enough credit. Just because they drive to Virginia just to get to Chili’s because there isn’t one in DC doesn’t mean they can’t enjoy vegetarian food. In fact, I sent Amber the menu and she sent it back saying simply, “I have highlighted the items I’m going to order.”

It looked like this:

She didn’t get all those things, but we put a pretty good dent in it with the following:

Traditional fry bread topped with pinto bean and squash chili, fresh tomatoes, onions, crisp lettuce and local sharp cheddar.

House-made crispy burger with white beans, tofu and hemp seed finished with pickled fennel and smoked tomato chow chow. [vegan]

Squash blossoms stuffed with vegan mozzarella, dipped in traditional hush puppy batter and deep fried. Served with caramelized onion “butter.” [vegan]

A different blend every day… chickpea and artichoke. [vegan]

Warm roasted pumpkin, lentils, spiced pumpkin seeds and pomegranate vinaigrette. [vegan]

In a word, it was flawless.

The squash blossom hush puppies are brilliant and perhaps one of the best things I’ve ever eaten. Because when it comes to anything deep fried, you know what I’m thinking? That it should probably be stuffed with cheese and dipped in butter. Duh.

My perfect salad paired peppery arugula with subtly sweet roasted pumpkin, drizzled it in a tart, bright pomegranate dressing and topped it with a sprinkling of lentils, the vegetarian equivalent of bacon bits.

I snagged a bite of Glanz’s OM burger (“THIS IS AMAZING,” he said), which is a force to be reckoned with in my Battle of the Best Veggie Burger in Charlotte and will warrant a tasting trip of its own in the near future.

I’d say the Indian tacos were the star of the show. I don’t even have words for those babies. Just get them.

Everything was perfect. Everything.

I may never quite fit in here. And I will never be a “Charlotte.” But so long as this restaurant sticks around, I think I will, too. It is reason enough to visit this city.