I love Halloween. It’s my absolute most favorite holiday. Unfortunately, I haven’t really had time this year to do any of the delightful Halloweeny things I love so much–like carve pumpkins, make pumpkin seeds, decorate the house, go to haunted houses/mazes, pick apples (more importantly: eat apple donuts) and make a costume.
Two years ago, I went as both Ralph and Weaz, and I made the costumes myself.
In fact, if you Google image search “homemade cat costume,” Weaz and I are on the first page of results. I consider this one of my greatest accomplishments in life.
Speaking of Weaz and Halloween… How’s this for CREEPY AND WEIRD:
The other night I was minding my own business, you know, sleeping when all of the sudden I was jolted awake by a hissing, howling, writhing Weaz at the foot of my bed. When Ralph came to investigate (clearly concerned about the commotion), Weaz tried to attack her. I’d watched the first 30 minutes of Paranormal Activity the night before (against my will, of course) and was perfectly terrified to be pulled from my slumber in such a manner. Several things were wrong with this situation: 1) Weaz has never made those sounds before, 2) Weaz has never woken me up like that before, 3) Weaz can’t take Ralph and she knows this, 4) Weaz was possessed by a demon.
My thought process was far from rational and went something like this:
- Ohmygod, Weaz has rabies.
- Where is the emergency vet in Charlotte?
- How did Weaz get rabies?
- WAIT. I bet she saw a ghost standing over my bed…
- WHY IS THERE A GHOST IN MY ROOM.
- I am going to die tonight.
- Maybe she just had a nightmare…
- Maybe I am having a nightmare.
- WHAT IF THERE’S SOMEONE IN THE HOUSE?
- I need a gun.
- Cheese. Weaz just needs some cheese.
- Weaz loves cheese so much.
- WEAZ WAS POSSESSED BY A CHEESE-LOVING DEMON
The cheese did the trick. It’s her favorite thing in the whole world so she started purring uncontrollably and calmed down quickly. She eventually went back to bed but not before staring at the ceiling for several minutes and following something I could not see from over my bedroom door to directly over my bed several times. WHAT THE HELL, WEAZ?
It did not help that I had discovered the Ecto-1 parked in front of my house earlier that night…
Clearly there is something my landlord’s not telling me if the Ghostbusters are making house calls to the complex.
Anyway, Demonweaz is just fine and has no recollection of her outburst. I’m scheduling her an exorcism for tomorrow.
Ralph suggests we just get rid of her.
Anyway, happy freaking Catoween. Now I’ll never get to sleep. And I already took a 6-hour nap tonight… So here’s a happy little video of a demon-free Weaz drinking
Public Service Announcement for Cat Owners
Seriously though… Keep your cats inside this Halloween weekend and every Halloween. My mom has always told me this, that heartless, cruel, disgusting little hoodlums like to torture, mutilate and otherwise abuse wandering cats (especially black cats) on Halloween night for no reason other than that they are disgusting human beings who will surely rot in hell. I’ve read horror stories about cats coming home bloody, beaten, limbless and (this really happened) having had explosives shoved in their butts and set off. I hate people. I’m a pretty peaceful person, but there is no limit to the crazy I’d unleash on someone I saw abusing a cat. None.