Let me clarify: I hate (most) breakfast foods. Breakfast itself–the act of breaking the fast–I love/need/crave/etc.
When people invite me to breakfast (I say this like I get lots of breakfast invites; I do not), I try to convince them to push it back to the brunching hour so I can be assured the restaurant will be serving the lunch menu by the time we arrive.
Can you blame me? I mean, consider the cast of breakfast characters…
- Cereal. What a fucking joke cereal is. Never fills me up. In fact, it makes me hungrier. Just talking about cereal makes me want to eat my arm off.
- Doughnuts. Are you kidding me? Who decided this was a breakfast food? It’s deep-fried sugar dough. And regarding satiety… see also: cereal.
- Pancakes/Waffles/French Toast/Etc. Absolutely the last thing I want in my body first thing in the morning. Not true. I can think of other inappropriate things. But still.
- Oatmeal. No. Just no. I’ve decided I do not like anything about oatmeal. I like oats a whole lot, but I do not like traditional hot oatmeal. At all.
Despite hating breakfast foods, I’m not the kind of person who can run on coffee alone. Speaking of… what is wrong with you people? Do you not wake up every day feeling as if you ran three days ago and haven’t eaten anything since? I certainly do.
So what do I like for breakfast? My morning meal must fit the following criteria:
- At least 500-600 calories. When fueling my body, I usually figure 100 calories per hour between meals. So if I eat breakfast at 7am and won’t eat lunch until 1pm, I want a good 600 calories to carry me there. I want to smack people who eat 100-calorie bars for breakfast. I’m sorry.
- Plenty of protein. For obvious reasons of filling me up and sticking with me until lunch.
- Fat. Again, for satiety. Also taste.
- Produce. I insist on some combination of fruits and/or vegetables. They can be dried, fresh, frozen, whatever. They just need to be in there.
- 1/3 c oats
- 1/2 c Greek yogurt (unflavored, no sugar)
- 1/2 c milk (I used unsweetened almond)
- 1 teaspoon ground flax seeds
- 1/4 c dried fruit
- 1 tablespoon peanut butter
- drizzle of honey
- sprinkle of coconut