Chickpeas, artichokes, tomatoes, tempeh, sriracha

The thing about Charlotte’s Trader Joe’s–the one I frequent, anyway–is that it’s located in a little dining/nightlife hotspot. It wasn’t always this way. Up until about a month ago much of the restaurant space was vacant. Back then I was free to come and go in my fuzzy slippers any time of the day or night. Now, however, when those of us who wish only to pop in to grab a frozen pizza and a bottle of wine on a Saturday night (winners) try to do so, we are met with lines of cars, parking spots only on the top deck and the realization that we are big ol’ losers.

It’s a tough life.

I mean, there’s no way I was going out last night anyway. Nineteen hours of yoga in a 48-hour timeframe will do this to a person. I just love it.

We’ve had a minor setback wherein our training was moved to an empty, unheated Rack Room Shoes:

Om shanti and shit?

The beautiful thing about doing this to a bunch of yogis, however, is that it’s met with: “Hey. This happened. It’s ok. How about rather than bitch about it we celebrate the fact that we got booted out of the studio because it’s packed with 70 people practicing yoga, many of whom may be doing so for the very first time and who would have otherwise been turned away if we were taking up half that space.”

Fair enough. It’s all about perception, my friends. Is it a shitty situation or one to celebrate? Is it a pen or something else? I love yoga.

Anyway, I am having a most delightful little time reading A Course in Miracles and wanted to share my favorite underlined passages so far:

Unspeakable love.

Lack implies that you would be better off in a state somehow different from the one you are in. Needs arise only when you deprive yourself. You act according to the particular order of needs you establish. This, in turn, depends on your perception of what you are.

Belief produces the acceptance of existence. That is why you can believe what no one else thinks is true. It is true for you because it was made by you.

You were created to create the good, the beautiful and the holy. Do not forget this. 

You can do anything I ask. I have asked you to perform miracles.

Everyone defends his treasure and will do so automatically. The real questions are, what do you treasure, and how much do you treasure it? Once you have learned to consider these questions and to bring them into all your actions, you will have little difficulty in clarifying the means. The means are available whenever you ask.

Tolerance for pain may be high, but it is not without limit. Eventually everyone begins to recognize, however dimly, that there must be a better way. As this recognition becomes more firmly established, it becomes a turning point.

Perception is temporary.

The abilities you possess are only shadows of your real strength.

Your worth is beyond perception because it is beyond doubt.

A good teacher must believe in the ideas he teaches, but he must meet another condition; he must believe in the students to whom he offers the ideas.

No force except your own will is strong enough or worthy enough to guide you.

I have reached a tipping point in my life where I no longer view all this personal exploration stuff as scary and overwhelming and depressing. Instead, I’m fascinated by it, motivated by it and simply can’t get enough of it. I gather from the wonderful comments and emails I’ve been receiving as of late (thank you) that you guys think I’m feeling weighed down and miserable, but the reality is I feel lighter than ever. I’m diving deep into some pretty intense stuff, but I don’t see this type of self evaluation as a negative thing. At all. And I don’t drag through my days moping around. I’m just passionately curious about all of this. Can’t get enough.

And with that… I’m off for eight more hours of yoga. Weeeee.

Toast, PB, pear, cantaloupe, cinnamon

Hello, kittens. I thought very seriously about shutting this little operation down for a couple (six) months, but then I remembered I have entirely too much to say. Instead, I’ve decided to curb my Facebook/Twitter/email/phone usage. This seems to have had an immediate positive impact on my life. Onward and upward.

This is my second yoga teacher training weekend, and you know what that means: NEW AGE WEIRDO RANTS.

So grab your kabbalah bracelet and a nice hot mug of… water. Shit’s about to get weird.

Have you seen my spirulina?

Anyway. I’m actually not even delving into teacher training tonight because THIS has been consuming my life:

Everything looks cooler blurry.

I have no idea why I’m reading this book. That’s not true. I do. It’s a tangled web, a slippery slope, a long story… if you will. I believe the way this book weaseled its way into my life went something like this:

Someone posted a blog written by Gabrielle Bernstein, which I found relevant to my life. I then proceeded to stalk Bernstein and figure out her deal. Turns out she’s a drug addict turned spiritual guru often described as the “Carrie Bradshaw of spirituality.” It took me less than 30 seconds to purchase her two most recent books, Spirit Junkie and Adding More ~ing to Your Life. I regret to inform you that both books are horrendous and I read no more than 15 pages of each. HOWEVER, what I picked up on immediately was that everything Bernstein wrote about was prefaced with: “When I read A Course in Miracles…” And for some unknown reason I had to know what this book was about.

The first thing I did not see coming with this book is that is super Christian–like, written from the voice of Jesus, I gather thus far–and I am not. Not at all. Nor is Bernstein who was raised Jewish/Buddhist or “Jewbu” as she calls it. No big deal. I’m an “explorer of all faiths,” I suppose. Just didn’t see it coming.

So “Jesus” is talking to me (what?) through Helen Schucman who actually wrote it and I’m finding myself suddenly very motivated to read it all. All 1,400 pages. Because things like this keep popping up:

“Fear is always a sign of strain, arising whenever what you want conflicts with what you do. This situation arises in two ways: simultaneously or successively. This produces conflicted behavior, which is intolerable to you because the part of the mind that wants to do something else is outraged. Second, you can behave as you think you should, but without entirely wanting to do so. This produces consistent behavior, but entails great strain. In both cases, the mind and the behavior are out of accord, resulting in a situation in which you are doing what you do not wholly want to do. This arouses a sense of coercion that usually produces rage, and projection is likely to follow. Whenever there is fear, it is because you have not made up your mind. Your mind is therefore split, and your behavior inevitably becomes erratic… When you are fearful, you have chosen wrongly. That is why you feel responsible for it. You must change your mind, not your behavior, and this is a matter of willingness.”

Whew. This is the story of my life as of late. I kid you not.

Erratic behavior like, perhaps, trying to quit my job(s)? Trying to shut down the blog? Going to the Bahamas? Royally destroying relationships? Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

The problem, I think, is that what I want conflicts with what I do because who I am conflicts with who I tell people I am. Shwaa?? It’s a defense mechanism. Think about that.