Tonight’s burst of extreme productivity brought to you by HORMONES.
I wish so badly that I could make men understand what it feels like to feel certifiably insane once every 30 days. Perhaps one month when I’m not busy directing all my rage towards cleaning the living shit out of everything in my life, I will spend some time developing a pill that makes men PMS. It’s gonna be great.
Speaking of being insane…
SO. This month I chose to channel my crazy into my car, which smells as though a sloth wearing sweaty, week-old yoga clothes had crawled inside, pooped his pants and then died. I’m serious. I suppose this scenario is pretty much accurate except that it’s me wearing the sweaty yoga clothes and I haven’t pooped my pants. Or died. Basically I’m sweaty all the time.
I went to town with Armor All and Febreeze for fabric and Febreeze for air and Febreeze clip on vent thingies. Completing this task after dark meant I definitely looked like a a homicidal looney toon frantically disposing of DNA evidence while my neighbors watched on in horror from behind cracked blinds. But you know what? I think Vince is looking rather dapper and smells so fresh and so clean, clean. (Vince is my car, obviously.)
Moving on… You know what’s a bad idea? Going to Target. Ever. You know what’s a worse idea? Going to Target when you’re having a little episode. Has anyone ever spent less than $50 in Target? No. The answer is no.
All I needed was kitty litter but what I wanted was a bowl of retro-box sweet childhood nostalgia and to not be pale anymore. Tricky, tricky product placement, you merchandising jerks.
I do feel I deserve a little self tanner in the dead of March, though. (It’s definitely going to be 70 degrees here this week. You may smack me.) Because you know what I did today? Took a beast of a microbiology exam. It was not cool. Not cool at all.
I was up until well after midnight, up again before 5am and all kinds of unprepared regardless.
Nevertheless, I escaped unharmed with a little help from my dear and loving roommate…
I definitely nailed the essays and bombed the multiple choice. I realize this is backwards. What can I say? I’m wordy.
So now here I sit–after a big, beautiful plate of baked tofu and roasted broccoli and quinoa and sunflower seeds–with mint tea and a snickerdoodle blondie, thanking the dear sweet baby Jesus that next week is Spring Break.