I can’t be the only one who finds tuna salad to be highly offensive. It’s right up there with egg salad. BLEH.
Think about it. It smells weird. It looks weird. The main ingredient is mayonnaise. Sometimes there are bones in there. Shudder.
Nobody likes the cubicle mate that brings a damn tuna salad into the office. On the list of Worst Foods to Eat in an Office, tuna salad is second only to a microwaved sack of cat turds. What a jerk you are for doing that.
One time I sat down on a cross-country flight to LA… in the last row… that doesn’t recline… always… and the toilets were smelling like, you know, toilets. I thought this was the worst it could get until an overly affectionate couple sat down next to me with matching tuna salad sandwiches and (AND) MF cool ranch Doritos. Who does that? Then they had the audacity to sit there and complain about the toilet smell.
I was all: Whatever, tunafaces. If there’s anything worse than a person with a tuna salad sandwich it’s two people with tuna salad sandwiches making out with each other. The horror.
So the moral of this story is I hate tuna salad and so I made this tofu salad.
I have an aversion to creamy white foods–yogurt, milk, ranch, etc.–so mayonnaise (and vegannaise) are a no go. Instead, I used mashed avocado as the binder. Baked tofu replaces the tuna, and walnuts and celery add a little crunch.
Most other people on the planet have an aversion to tofu so let me help you. I find the best tofu texture comes from thinly slicing, seasoning, and then baking it for a long time.
- 1 block of extra firm organic tofu
- olive oil spray
- poultry seasoning
- salt and pepper to taste
- 2 ripe avocados
- juice of 1 lemon
- ⅓ cup chopped walnuts
- 1 stalk of celery, thinly sliced
- Preheat oven to 400 degrees
- Slice the tofu block into pieces about ¼-inch thick
- Arrange tofu slices on a paper towel and press out the excess water
- Spray a baking sheet and arrange tofu
- Spritz the tofu with olive oil and season with salt, pepper and poultry seasoning
- Bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes on each side (30 minutes total)
- Meanwhile, mash avocados and lemon juice in a large bowl
- Stir in walnuts and celery, and season with more salt and pepper to taste
- When tofu is done baking, dice it into cubes and add it to the avocado mixture
The avocado-walnut combination is one of my favorite food pairings. It makes me feel all healthy-fat and happy. This is a high-protein, healthy-fat, creamy, crunchy, satisfying sandwich filling or salad topper that will not offend your office mates or the lone traveler flying to LA for all the wrong reasons.
PS – Thanks for the outpouring of support following my triumphant return to life online. I’m gonna need a Facebook intervention very soon.