I changed my answer. It was as easy as that.
So I’m tired, right. My life, I feel, is teetering on the edge of what could be described as the brink of disaster or total brilliance (in the dazzling radiant kind of way, not so much the intelligent way). It’s kind of hard to tell the difference. I’d say my schedule is full, but I don’t really have a schedule at this point. I just go. All the time. I’m reminded of the quote about a master in the art of living making no distinction between work and play, labor and leisure, education and recreation, because to her she is always doing both. But I’m also reminded I used to really love, you know, drinking tequila and stuff. I am no master in the art of living.
People think I’m crazy, that I need a break. But I kind of think I’m the luckiest girl in the world. So when people ask me how I’m standing or how long I slept or why I don’t take a vacation, I’ve decided not to fall victim to my… self. Because after all it’s my own decisions that have led me here so I have chosen instead to embrace them. I’ve decided to simply change my answer when people ask me when I’ll slow down.
“I am so lucky to do what I do. I’m so tired, yes. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
My shift in perspective isn’t necessary because I can’t change my situation; it’s necessary because I won’t. It’s necessary because I’m working on something that makes me feel alive and I will stop at nothing short of seeing it through. All the way.
It’s all relative, of course. This life I have, no matter how hectic, is shamefully easy. Privileged. Excessive. Truly, I’m embarrassed people even think I’m working hard. I practice yoga every single day and work out for free. I eat well (and eat out entirely too often). I have a nice (cat-filled) home. I drive a nice car (albeit often without any gas, like magic). I am loved. I have access to resources and people and experiences others don’t.
Part of it’s luck of the draw, no doubt, and the rest is never ever taking no for an answer. Especially not from myself.
If I’m honest: I feel like a fraud every single day. Like I’m an understudy holding a spot in this life until the real star gets over her laryngitis or whatever and makes her triumphant return to the stage. I’m serious.
But this is a stupid way to live. Because life is what you say it is. I tell my yoga classes this all the time: You are either imprisoned by this existence or empowered by it and your lexicon for how you live frames the way you and others see you. So when someone asks about what you’re up to or how you’re feeling, say it right. Choose your words carefully. You are defining yourself.
Me? I’m the luckiest girl in the damn world to be doing what I’m doing right now. I wouldn’t change it for anything.
SO making a hard right to truffle town… Last week I attempted to make chai-spiced muffins. I also attempted to make them vegan and gluten-free without any real science behind my substitutions. You can guess how it ended. I found myself left with a crumbly pile of bleh. Tasty bleh. But bleh nonetheless. Two choices here:
1. Throw it all away
2. Change my answer
Oh, the uhhh chai-spiced muffins? Nah, I made chai truffles instead. Duh.
- 1 dozen completely failed chai muffins (see below)
- chocolate chips
- nondairy milk
- Make this muffin recipe from Fat Free Vegan Kitchen but make it with almond flour instead of real flour and watch it crumble to pieces: http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/2006/03/coconut-chai-breakfast-cake.html
- Take your crumbled pieces and roll them together into tight little balls
- Melt chocolate chips (how many chocolate chips you need is dependent upon how much of the crumbled pieces you consumed by the spoonful before deciding not to throw them away) and mix in milk
- Dip chai balls into the chocolate
- Freeze until set
- Tah dah
Success. Call it what you want.