I pulled a hero card and agreed to sub our 6a and 8a classes tomorrow. You’d think I might be in bed right now. But you would be wrong. Because I live life on the edge.
Even though I have said multiple times that I am never to be trusted with our first class of the day, everyone else up and went to Punta Cana on a retreat without me so the studio is mine to run into the ground as I see fit. Namaste, bitches.
Just kidding, bossman. Your studio… and dogs… and classes are safe with me. -ish.
Rather than go to bed at a decent hour, I have stayed up to craft you this stream-of-consciousness rant about absolutely nothing.
I’m Not Vegan – I’m just not. I never really was. This requires clarification about every three months or so as new readers of ze blog cycle in. I ate vegan for about a year, like, three years ago but I never called myself vegan because it would’ve been a lie because have you ever been in my car? Cow-mobile black leather seats, son. Nevertheless, this is very confusing for people. So I led this post with that cheesy toast just to clear things up. For the record, I love vegans and vegan things. I, however, am not vegan. Sorry. If we’re talking taste preference, I definitely hate eggs and dairy makes me queasy. But have you ever seen me turn down frozen yogurt? Of course not. I can’t explain these things.
Saveur Outdid Itself – Have you read Saveur’s donut special this month? Dear sweet lord baby Jesus. It’s their best issue ever. Of all time. Unfortunately it’s also the worst thing to read on a five-hour flight with no food. Not recommended. You do, however, have five full hours to plan out the donut shop you will open in Charlotte upon landing. Charlotte Donut Shop. Featuring a line of vegan donuts. (CONFUSING.) I knew my deep fryer would come in handy one day. Don’t steal my idea, jerks.
I Spent No Money – I’m proud to report that ZERO cash dollars left my hands today. All this means is that I’m waiting for it to turn midnight so I can buy this thing online that I want. I lose at life.
Who is Seth McFarlane? – This is literally what I said last night when told who was hosting. How am I supposed to know? I did watch the Oscars (until I fell asleep) and I do think this man was an idiot and I don’t disagree with any of the feminist rants about his misogynistic one-liners (or full on dance routines). In the way only a true dickbag could, he reminded us (at a black tie affair) how satisfying it is to see an actress’s boobs in a rape scene. Ah, tact. But at the end of the day I’m kind of like: He’s the creator of Family Guy and Ted. He is offensive and idiotic at all times. It’s literally on his resume that these are his strong points. Did we expect something else? It’s like me being like: “The Bachelor is sexist and contrived and awkward as all hell!? I’M LEAVING.” What did you expect? Plus, Jennifer Lawrence stole the show by falling down the stairs and then being hilarious. In the end, girls win.
Take Me to Bali – I figured out tonight that I’ll have exactly how much money I need to get to a yoga training Bali in June if I just teach all my yoga classes until then and don’t spend any of the money. And this would be a great idea if my yoga money were supplemental and not, let’s say, my income. Damnit.