“Yeah, I have two toddlers that nap from noon to 2 and that’s when I shower so… Come over around 2:30?”
I was working out a visitation window with the woman fostering a two-legged cat that I HAD. TO. HAVE. Motherhood is a level of selflessness I can’t quite wrap my head around. Personal hygiene limited to when the kids are sleeping? No gracias. All the stray cats in the world, though? SIGN ME UP.
I know what you’re thinking: Really, Katie? Three cats? At 27? Should we go ahead and order you a muumuu and some house slippers?
No. Because Tilly the two-legged cat brings my total to two-and-a-half. Plus, she landed in my life as a result of rescuing a puppy so that’s got to count for something. It happened like this…
Tuesday around lunchtime Mitch busted up in the apartment on a rampage about some irresponsible ass abandoning a black puppy in the dog run at our complex. (We don’t take kindly to irresponsible pet owners.) We went out to investigate and learned that maintenance had called animal control. I knew that if they picked him up the skinny, filthy, mangey little guy would never make it to the adoption floor. Unfortunately little black mutts are a dime a dozen and if they don’t look adoptable, they have a high likelihood of being put down.
I intervened and claimed ownership to buy him some time. Knowing I had absolutely no idea what to do next, I called my brother’s girlfriend for backup. Sarah runs a non-profit animal rescue called Halfway There (in her spare time… By day, she’s a school psychologist). She offered to take Toby to the vet and cover all his expenses to be neutered and vaccinated. Second chance!
In the process of getting Toby transferred to the vet, Sarah nonchalantly mentioned she had a two-legged cat in need of placement. A TWO-LEGGED CAT? Surely she knew this would consume me until the cat was in my possession.
I tried to let it go. I really did. But the thought of that nubby little creature in need of a place to stay drove me insane.
After several texts to Adam and absolutely no rational thought whatsoever, I decided to go get her.
Her name is Tilly and as far as I know she was born without her two front legs. I say she’s left-handed because that is the longer of her two nubs, but there’s not much there. Her previous owner surrendered her under the explanation that she was aggressive and wouldn’t use the litter box. Only one of these two statements is true and Adam learned that the hard way. More about that later.
She has a special accessible litterbox with a lower step up to make it easier on her and hasn’t had any accidents at my house or at her last foster. Tilly may be a handicat, but she gets around just fine. Mo’ legs, mo’ problems. No legs, no problem.
Poor Adam gets the Boyfriend Award of the Year for putting up with me this week. The day I picked Tilly up was the same day Toby was ready to be retrieved from the vet. So with a total six animals–Ralph, Weaz, Tilly, Oliver, Diesel and Toby–in our care, we were kind of living in a zoo.
Toby spent one night with Adam and his dogs while I tried to get Tilly adjusted to life at Caturday headquarters. (You can see Ralph and Weaz’s bewilderment upon meeting her here.)
Adam fell in love with Toby in just one night and I got a little nervous we were going to end up like some kind of really jacked up animal version of the Brady Bunch but with no Alice to clean up all the poop.
So I launched into Operation Adopt Toby to find him a real home. Within an hour of posting his information on Facebook, he had a waiting list three deep.
Yesterday we handed him off to my friend Kacy and her family. Adam was kind of a disaster but we knew he was landing in a happy, loving home. I started crying in the checkout line at Marhsall’s when Kacy sent me pictures of him settling in with her kids. Look at him with his new brother and sister:
Toby was in a new home. Tilly was slowly but surely warming up to my crew. Things were looking good.
Adam: Do you think Tilly can get on the bed?
Me: Definitely not.
Adam: No, I think she probably could make it.
Me: I’m telling you that cat cannot jump onto the bed.
Adam: Let’s go to Home Depot tomorrow. I’ll make her a ramp.
Me: Oh my god… Yes. It should have carpet.
Adam: Well obviously.
That’s the conversation we had just a few short hours prior to Tilly launching like a MF two-legged torpedo onto the bed to attack Adam. Turns out she can definitely get on the bed. Cancel the ramp.
In her defense, it had been an overwhelming hour of introductions to Ralph, Weaz, Wedge and Adam, and I think Tilly’s intention was to go for Weaz, but Adam just happened to be on the bed when she got up there. Adam feels differently.
Now, I do understand that Adam suffered legitimate wounds and a loss of blood at the hands (errrr, nubs) of a cat I insisted on bringing into our lives, but THIS IS ONE OF THE FUNNIEST THINGS I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
You’ve really never lived until you’ve seen your grownass boyfriend scream in terror under the attack of a two-legged cat. The whole ordeal only lasted about 30 seconds but there was screaming and hysterical laughter and my sad attempt at getting all four animals locked away into separate rooms. All because of a two-legged cat we thought couldn’t even get on the bed. Gaze upon this fierce predator…
When all was said and done we convulsed with uncontrollable laughter. I have been such a helicopter mom, keeping all the animals away and making sure Tilly is taken care of. Turns out Tilly takes shit from no one. She took down a grown man last night. I think she’s gonna be just fine with Ralph and Weaz.
Ralph is fine with it because the more cheese I feed Tilly, the more cheese she gets.
Weaz is like DO NOT WANT.
To round out this, the most epic of all Caturdays, here is Weaz’s doppleganger:
Tilly may not stay with us forever. I refuse to force her into a situation where she’s uncomfortable and stressed just because I think she’s cute. Also Adam is now scared of her. (HAHAHA.) But I also think these things take time so we’ll let her see if she wants to settle in. If not, I think a loving pet-less home (in Charlotte so I can see her) would be a great place for her. So if you’re in the market for a two-legged cat (that can definitely get on the bed on her own), just keep her in mind.
If you are in the Charlotte area and looking to adopt, please check out Sarah’s rescue Halfway There.
ALSO… Ralph, Weaz and Adam have a birthday on Monday. Send them presents.