I wanted to lie to you about what these brownies are because they’re “Paleo” and I don’t feel like explaining that I’m not Paleo because it goes against everything I believe about food and health and brownies but that I’m still totally eating Paleo for 28 days because I’m a walking contradiction and am genuinely curious about why people do it and if it’s even possible for a vegetarian to survive without all the things you’re not allowed to eat. (Which is everything.)
I don’t know how it happened, exactly, but I put about as much thought into this little experiment as I do most other things in my life: 45 seconds. What ha’ happened was… A few of my friends were going to work out at
Fight Gone Mad and then hang around for the following nutrition lecture. And I was like, “Ok I’m in.” That was it.
So here I am a week into the 28-to-Life program making brownies out of dates and figs and being all, “Are those Starbursts Paleo?”

I’m not going to get into what this diet is or whether or not I think it’s a good idea or whether or not I’d recommend it to other people. Yet. I’m giving it the full 28 days first and then I’ll report back. For now I’ll say that I feel awesome but that I doubt it will last much longer considering the severely low protein intake trap vegetarians fall into when you take away their beans, lentils, rice, peanuts, soy, dairy, etc. I think there are components of the Paleo diet I can agree with and support, and there are others I simply can’t get behind. I predict that I’ll walk away from this with some things to add to my all-vegetarian, heavily-vegan, pro-baked-goods, occasionally-raw-and-gluten-free-on-accident lifestyle and some things to leave in the “no, thank you” pile.
Anyway, let’s eat brownies.
This recipe is not mine. I found it on PaleOMG, a popular paelo recipe blog that I find to be pretty delightful even as a non-paleo eater.
Recipe: Magic Brownie Bars
Several substitutions I made:
- 10 medijool dates and 5 dried figs (because I ran out of dates)
- almond meal instead of coconut flour (because I didn’t have any)
- maple syrup instead of honey (because I didn’t have any)
- 2 tablespoons full-fat coconut milk (because I don’t know what coconut cream concentrate is)
I’d like to tell you that I did not eat this entire pan in four days, but the theme of this post is not lying to you so… There’s that.
For having no flour, they’re surprisingly cake-like. And sweet enough despite limited sweetener thanks to lots of fruit.
These do not taste like real brownies and if you’re into super-decadent desserts, they probably won’t appeal. But if you’re eating nothing but eggs and vegetables and fruit and for four weeks, they’re kind of the best thing ever.
I suppose the real question is whether or not I’d make these again after the 28 days is up, and the answer is: YEP. So that’s gotta count for something.

Seriously though, let’s hold the Paleo questions and critique debate until I’m done. I promise I’ll give a full report on what I experience, how the “science” of Paleo weighs against the “science” I’ve studied, the food that is awesome, the food that sucks, etc.