3-Day Juice Cleanse, Sorta.

IMG_2157

I eat chocolate every single day. I consider chickpeas kind of worth celebrating. My favorite three hours of the day are breakfast, lunch and dinner. (And I usually give myself that much time for each, yes.) I carry snacks everywhere because I get grumpy when food is not readily accessible. This one time I may have lost my mind when Adam didn’t order Chinese food as expected and we didn’t get to eat until 10pm. Last night I went to dinner “not hungry” and left after a 3-course meal saying the words: “Yes, all Oreos should be deep fried.”

This should give you a pretty good idea of how I fared on my first (and last) 3-day juice cleanse.

Continue reading

The fine folks over at Skinny Limits in Austin, TX offered to send me a free three-day cleanse to review (and after this post I assure you they will regret it). That’s eighteen color-coded, numbered juices overnighted from Texas with detailed instructions on how to succeed (and thrive) without food for three days. People ask me all the time if juice cleanses are nutritionally sound or even a good idea and while science does not support any of the “detoxifying” claims, I figured personal experience would help me form an opinion. Plus, how hard could it be, right?

I started day 1 off on the right track with a pancake and coffee. To be fair, the juice wouldn’t arrive until 10:30am and I wasn’t about to just sit there and wait.

When the juice arrived at my doorstep, I neatly arranged the bottles one by one in my fridge so all I had to do was go down the line and follow the instructions and not eat any more pancakes.

Screen shot 2013-06-26 at 1.01.38 PM

That night Adam and I went to see World War Z and had to sneak in two of my juices so I wouldn’t cry the whole time about the fact that I couldn’t have Diet Coke and Lemonheads. (I did anyway.) Also for the record, the Z in World War Z stands for zombies. I am terrified of zombies and did not know this. You have been warned.

The next morning I was scheduled to speak to a group of middle school students about PlateShare at a summer tech camp. (Let it be known that any kid who answers “Learn Java script!” to the question “What are you doing with the rest of your afternoon?” will one day be a millionaire.)

It had been 24 hours since my last bite of solid food (the contraband pancake, of course) so imagine my surprise (and horror) when my stomach turned on me, quite literally, and landed me in the bathroom minutes before the presentation. This is my life.

I did succeed to sound like a professional and not poop in my pants so that’s great. But by noon I was up to my eyeballs in errands–oil change, gas station, car wash, etc.–and already plotting my juice cleanse escape route by way of three shots of espresso.

BNYMNe4CMAE9jdJ

I went to Starbucks and got the biggest iced coffee you’ve ever seen, graciously accepting the third shot of espresso they’d “accidentally” already pulled. There are no accidental espresso pours when someone hasn’t eaten or been caffeinated in a day. It was divine intervention.

“I quit the juice cleanse,” I said to my friend Tanya behind the counter. “Right now.”

“Yeah girl, I wasn’t gonna say anything,” she said, sliding the coffee across the counter. “I know it’s tough. My longest cleanse was 30 days.”

THIRTY DAYS. I clocked out after precisely 30 hours. Can’t win ‘em all.

To be fair, Skinny Limits‘ juices are really good. My favorites were the Green Firefly (kale and pineapple), Scorpion Lemonade (cayenne lemonade), and Crescent Moon (cashew milk). But they are probably a whole lot better as a beverage alongside a plate of actual food. They also have very prompt and courteous customer service and the juices arrive on time and in perfect condition. Nevertheless, I will never do it again.

So with this little adventure we have learned several things:

  1. I hate juice cleanses.
  2. I love food.
  3. Juice may or may not make you poop a lot.
  4. Always drink coffee.
  5. Beware the zombie apocalypse (which is probably better than a 3-day juice cleanse).

Caturday 6/22/13

vscocam1777

Happy summertime Caturday, the greatest season of them all. Ralph and Weaz and Joey Donut and Tilly can’t wait to go to the beach next weekend. (Oh wait, they weren’t invited…?)

Anyway, I am in what can best be described as a “custody battle” with what can best be described as an “animal hoarder” over a two-legged cat. I won’t even get into the details because I fear fake legal ramifications, but I will go so far as to say: NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

Continue reading

Screen shot 2013-06-22 at 7.30.09 AM

To be clear, Tilly is available for adoption. (I’m just her foster mom even though I seem to think I gave birth to her.) We’re just going to be very select about where she ends up. If you’re on the East coast (preferably Carolina area but all the way up into New England is doable) and interested in hearing more about Tilly, you can reach out to Halfway There Rescue at halfwaythererescue@gmail.com to express interest.

vscocam1805

Speaking of adoptions… Joey Donut is still up for grabs. The longer I keep this kitten the less likely it is that I will ever let her go. You definitely have to be in Charlotte for this little gem (or within reasonable driving distance) but if you’re interested in her just let me know.

vscocam1771

Joey D has settled in nicely with the big cats and seems to think she is one herself. Ralph and Weaz are not terribly amused with the whole situation but are tolerating the whole charade like champs.

vscocam1797

vscocam1770

I guess I can’t really talk shit about animal hoarders, can I?

Things About Things

image

I woke up at 6 this morning sans alarm clock with grand plans to do little more than sip coffee and write a blog with my extra couple hours. Instead I found myself up to my eyeballs in emails and work-related boosh for two hours. If there is some kind of parental internet lock I can use to block myself from my own email, that would be just fantastic.

Anyway, now I offer you this stream-of-consciousness rant about nothing at all.

Continue reading

Remember the good ol’ days? Justin & Britney. Nick & Jessica. Cory & Topanga. We couldn’t text. Or drive. Or text and drive. Our biggest responsibility was caring for a Tamagotchi and our biggest fear was not snagging all the Teeny Beanie Babies at McDonalds. All was right with the world for a brief, beautiful decade called The 90s.

1003249_742641912774_165284299_n

Adam told me not to tell anyone this but last night I saw New Kids on the Block for the third time on their comeback tour WITH (get this) BoyzIIMen and 98Degrees. The nostalgic and, dare I say, wholesome concert was a welcome trip down memory lane. I mean, there was a fair share of male pelvic thrusting and shirtless men, but I worry about kids these days if Ke$ha and Chris Brown are their primary influencers right now. And with this paragraph I secure the fact that I am officially old and crotchety.

Going to a boy band reunion tour in your late 20s is weird because you’re young (and broke) enough to have to sit in the rafters but old enough to complain about your knee giving out on the descent. Sigh. We ate cotton candy and bought a $6 Diet Coke and left early so we wouldn’t have to sit in traffic. Reserve my bed at the nursing home.

Unrelated: I never had a macaron until I was like 24 and I feel like I missed a serious developmental milestone.

image-1

Speaking of boy bands and French baked goods (not)… I just bought Kanye West’s Yeezus.

I haven’t listened to the whole thing yet, but hands down the very best line on the whole thing is: “Hurry up with my damn croissants.”

Last and certainly not least, if you have never had an Amy’s tofu pot pie you have been punishing yourself for no reason, my friend.

Wanted: PlateShare Volunteer Intern

Screen shot 2013-06-19 at 3.00.22 PM

PlateShare Social Media Volunteer

Responsibilities:

  • Tweet from @PlateShare, manage facebook.com/PlateShare, and curate PlateShare’s Instagram gallery to promote the mobile app, encourage downloads, foster relationships with relevant influencers, and spread the message about the micro-giving hunger relief movement in a way that encourages interaction from followers.
  • Approve user-submitted photos to be featured on www.plateshare.org.
  • Use proper grammar and punctuation while maintaining a conversational tone.
  • Respond to followers’ comments and concerns in a timely manner.
  • Identify and interact online with relevant VIPS (Very Influential People), including bloggers, restauranteurs, reporters, writers and celebrities.
  • Work with Katie, the PlateShare founder, to promote the PlateShare movement and coordinate social media special events (Twitter chats, giveaways, etc.).
  • Be creative and proactive in bringing suggestions for growth to Katie.
  • Ultimately increase the number of @PlateShare followers and PlateShare Facebook likes.

This position is open to current college students OR industry professionals seeking a volunteer outlet. Applicants should have academic and/or professional interest in: social media marketing, public relations, non-profit work, hunger relief, nutrition or other fields that relate to the mission of PlateShare. This volunteer position requires that the volunteer update Twitter and Facebook at least twice every day. This volunteer position is unpaid; however, if the volunteer is a college student and wants to coordinate receiving credits with their university, Katie would be happy to provide any necessary documentation.

The position requires understanding of and experience with Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. A passion for hunger relief is a must.

This position will be from July 1, 2013 – December 31, 2013 with the potential to extend into the next semester and beyond.

To apply:

  • Send your cover letter and resume to Katie at katierlevans@gmail.com with subject line: PLATESHARE INTERN

About PlateShare

PlateShare is a smartphone application that harnesses the power of social media for the greater social good by collecting funds for domestic hunger relief. The PlateShare app for iPhone and Android is the first of its kind to solicit micro-donations for hunger relief efforts by rounding up restaurant bills via mobile device.

The app is designed for use in restaurants, at coffee shops, in line at the grocery store, or any time consumers want to make a micro-donation to help combat hunger. After setting up a profile and linking a PayPal account to the app, users simply enter a bill total into the app, which calculates the roundup donation and completes the transaction.

PlateShare was founded by Katie Levans in 2012. The micro-giving platform advanced as a finalist at Startup Weekend Charlotte 2013 and completed a 3-month accelerator program at RevTech Labs, a startup incubator facilitated by Packard Place in Uptown Charlotte. PlateShare secured an angel investment in May 2013 to fund development and is currently in filing for 501(c)(3) nonprofit status. The PlateShare application launches Summer 2013. Visit plateshare.org to sign up for launch notifications.

Website: www.plateshare.org

Facebook: www.facebook.com/plateshare

Twitter: @plateshare

Instagram: PlateShare

Mix It Up.

image

I have been in a Trader Joe’s induced food rut for approximately two years. I could shop the Charlotte Midtown store with my eyes closed, obediently grabbing the same bag of apples (organic gala), same tub of hummus (organic original), same hunk of chocolate (extra dark organic strategically planned “impulse” buy at the counter).

There was once a time when my young, eager, admittedly aggressive, pure-food-loving self wouldn’t even step foot in TJ’s because their products weren’t up to par with my standard of “clean.” (Now I’m like: Two bags of meatless meatballs, please.”)

Continue reading

In grad school and out of sheer financial necessity, I eventually got a grip (and subsequently loosened my grip) on “eating clean” without doing so compulsively. This landed me with TJ’s as my primary grocery store.

Unfortunately, what Trader Joe’s offers in convenience and affordability (and cookie butter-stuffed candy bars), it severely lacks in variety. So last week, so over yet another frozen veggie burger, I defiantly announced to Adam the waspiest declaration of all: I’m going back to Whole Foods.

As you can imagine, my trip to Whole Foods succeeded only in causing severe buyer’s remorse as I dropped a billion dollars on one week of groceries. (This, I assume, is why they allow you to shop the store with a glass of wine in hand.) But once I got home and got some of my new goodies opened, I got over it quickly.

I picked up the usual–hummus, chips, etc.–but in new, sadly-exciting-to-me flavors.

image-6 image-5

I also grabbed several Beverly’s Gourmet (a local vegetarian company) pre-made meals (because I am SO LAZY AND ENTITLED LATELY I don’t even want to do dishes). This is the Thai basil tofu:

Screen shot 2013-06-15 at 10.01.15 AM

Perhaps I’m on to something mixing up my grocery stores because last night I also strayed from my standard routine and actually did something on a Friday night. (GASP.)

I went to Jen D’s (you know her as Peanut Butter Runner) surprise 30th birthday party, and (thank god) did not totally ruin the surprise part of it.

image-4image-3

I’m really not sure how her wonderful friends and party planners pulled this one off with all of the guests being so terrible at keeping secrets, but it was a huge success and it was great to see Jen so happy and so loved.

We drank champagne and ate pizza and cake and it was just so wonderful to step out of my box for a bit.